The best communicators do these 3 things that other people don't, says expert

Trying to get a raise or promotion this year? Anyone can tell you it comes down to more than your skills and achievements (and office politics).

One element you might be overlooking is how you communicate.

Communication skills are a huge factor in "who gets promoted and why they get promoted," Charles Duhigg tells CNBC Make It. Duhigg is the author of "Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection" as well as two books on productivity and habit formation; he estimates he's studied hundreds of people across his research for the three books.

"You could be the smartest engineer on Earth, you could be the most creative ad guy on the planet, but if you can't communicate with your co-workers and your clients and your stakeholders, it's going to be really hard for you to succeed," he says.

Duhigg shared three things the best communicators do that others can learn from and adopt themselves.

What conversation are you having? It seems like it should be obvious, but a conversation usually isn't just one conversation, according to Duhigg.

Conversations can actually vacillate between three different types, he says:

• Practical conversations: People are making choices, planning and solving problems
• Emotional conversations: Someone expresses a feeling and isn't looking for solutions as much as empathy and understanding
• Social conversations: People are relating to each other and to society

The type of conversation you're having affects how you should be listening to and responding to the other person.

"Successful communication requires having the same kind of conversation at the same time," Duhigg says. "If you and I aren't having the same kind of conversation at the same moment, then we're going to have real trouble hearing each other, and most importantly, we're going to have real trouble feeling connected to each other."

To get on the same page, take a beat to ask yourself what kind of conversation is happening and either meet the other person where they are, or invite them to meet you, Duhigg says.

Supercommunicators typically "ask a lot more questions" than their peers, Duhigg says. But they're not just asking more questions; they're also asking deeper ones.

Questions like "Did you read the memo?" or "What did you think about that meeting?" are what Duhigg calls invitation questions; while they might invite someone into a conversation, they're typically more surface-level. Deep questions, on the other hand, ask about someone's values, beliefs or experience.

Imagine meeting someone at a networking event, and they tell you their line of work. Rather than asking where they work, a deep question might ask, What made you want to get into that kind of work?

"The more we get in the habit of asking deep questions, the more we'll find people want to talk to us," Duhigg says.

"We think of listening as like I close my mouth and I open my ears and that's the first necessary step, but that's not the last step," Duhigg says. "The last step is that I need to show you that I'm listening, and listening is an active activity."

When someone speaks, repeating their answer back to them in your own words can help show you're interested and listening.

"The goal here is not mimicry," Duhigg says. "The goal here is to prove to them that you're thinking about what they're saying, you're taking it in, you're processing."

Effective communicators go a step further and ask, "Did I get that right?" or "Did I hear you correctly?" This shows you care about understanding what they're saying and also gets them to recognize that, which can help you have a richer conversation.

"It's a basic component of social reciprocity," Duhigg says. "If they acknowledge that you're listening, they become much more likely to listen to you in return."

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