CNBC.COM
Just because your boss is nice doesn't mean they are good at their job — or vice versa, says Ben Askins, an author and entrepreneur.
Many professionals have a distorted view of what makes someone a good manager, according to Askins. Some employees believe a good boss is someone who is nice, who asks them how their weekend was or plans bi-monthly team pizza parties, for example.
On the other hand, if your boss never does those things, maybe that makes them a poor manager? That's actually not the case, says Askins.
"When I say a good boss … I'm not just talking about someone who you can go for a drink with after work," says Askins, whose book, "My Boss Is A Moron: Strategies to Manage Up and Thrive in Any Workplace," was published on Sept. 30. "I'm talking about competent leadership."
Askins is a co-founder of Gaia, a London-based environmental software company. He previously co-founded Verb Brands, a digital marketing agency that sold to Croud for an undisclosed amount in 2022. Askins shares career and leadership advice on his TikTok and Instagram accounts, where he has over 1.23 million followers on both platforms combined. He regularly has to help people rethink what makes someone a good or bad leader, he says.
"You don't have to like your boss, and they can still be a perfectly good leader," the 33-year-old says. "There are examples of good leaders who people don't necessarily like, but they're consistent, and they have good instincts, and they do all the right things in regards to leadership."
Of course, no one should seek out or stay in a role working under a rude, or otherwise toxic, boss. After all, bosses who are regularly disrespectful, or even indifferent to your well-being and success, also make ineffective managers, experts say.
When a boss is too nice
A boss who is excessively polite or too nice, Askins says, might struggle more than their counterparts to make difficult decisions or give constructive criticism that could help you advance your career.
"At some point, there has to be a consistent level of competency and standards, and they have to be enforced," he says. "I always say: 'If you don't have a boss who tells you what you're doing wrong, you don't have a good boss.'"
For that reason, leadership and workplace coach Phoebe Gavin also recommends that employees maintain clear boundaries with their bosses, meaning no friendships with your manager, she told CNBC Make It in May 2023. These relationships can result in bias or favoritism, while putting a boss in a difficult decision when it's time to make those inevitable tough calls.
"At the end of the day, if your boss's boss says, 'Hey, we can't afford to employ your friend anymore. You need to lay them off,' you know what your boss is going to do? [They're] going to lay you off," Gavin said. "They might cry on the Zoom call with you, but they sure are going to hand you that pink slip."
There are ways to cut through that ultra-niceness and get some real, actionable feedback, according to Tessa West, a social psychologist and professor at New York University. Start by asking for honest, constructive criticism on small things and build from there, she told CNBC Make It in July 2023.
"Ask for things that people don't find threatening, that don't really violate the niceness norm," she said, like, "Is this a good font for tomorrow's presentation?" Then, over time, "work your way up to stuff that's a little bit more critical in nature."
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