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Not every problem is fixable. You can't change a loved one's diagnosis or control the economy. But you can choose how you respond to life's challenges.
As a therapist who's studied mental strength for over 20 years, I've seen how people's problem-solving abilities shape their outcomes. Those who are convinced they're trapped stay helpless and hopeless. But those who believe there's a way forward, no matter how small, make progress.
You're never powerless in the face of problems. As I shared on a recent episode of my "Mentally Stronger" podcast, the way forward isn't always about getting more information or advice. It's about asking yourself the right questions.
Here are five powerful questions mentally strong people use to tackle any problem:
1. How can I measure this problem?
Ask yourself, "On a scale of zero to 10, with 10 being my best, where am I right now? What can I do to move up one step?"
It's easy to think in extremes: This is awful. There's nothing I can do. But scaling the situation reframes your thinking and helps you see that things may not be as dismal as you imagine. It also shifts your focus toward small, actionable steps.
For example: You wake up feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. You rate your mood as a three. To boost it up to a four, you take a quick walk around the block and text a friend to schedule a coffee date. Those little actions help you feel a little better right away.
2. When was this problem easier to manage?
Reflect on moments when things weren't as overwhelming. What did you do differently? Drawing from past success shows you that progress is possible and gives you a blueprint to repeat.
For example: You feel stuck in another repetitive argument with your partner, this time over household responsibilities. But you recall how you had a healthy conversation a few months ago that helped you both feel more aligned. That memory sparks hope and a plan to have another open conversation.
3. What's helped me cope in the past?
This question reminds you that you've survived tough times, so you can do it again by relying on your inner strength. By focusing on your resilience and past successes — and identifying the specific tools and resources you used — you build confidence that you'll overcome current struggles, too.
For example: You're anxious about your financial situation after getting laid off. But reflecting on how you managed during a previous layoff reminds you of your adaptability. Picking up temporary work while planning your long-term next step worked then, and it can work now.
4. What would my closest friend say about this?
Sometimes, loved ones see your progress before you do. Think about what strengths a good friend would see in you, or how they might point out the progress you've made.
Imagining their perspective helps you identify your growth and encourage self-compassion. It's like borrowing optimism when you need it most.
For example: Your child is misbehaving again. You have to meet with the principal and miss even more work, which you can't afford to do. Just as you're feeling super stressed, you pause and think, "What would my best friend say?"
She'd applaud your mental strength and say, "You have the ability to stay calm during stressful times. I know you can take a breath, tell your boss what you need, speak to the principal, and figure out next steps with your kid."
5. How do I avoid making this worse?
When you feel powerless, it's easy to become passive and do nothing — or make things even worse. Remind yourself that at the very least, you have the power to take small steps now to ensure things don't get worse later.
For example: You're in the middle of a painful breakup and feel tempted to text your ex. But you remember that reaching out would make things worse. That helps you stick to your commitment to prioritize things like exercise and journaling to manage your emotions.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker and instructor at Northeastern University. She is the author of several books including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.″ Her TEDx talk "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong" is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and LinkedIn.
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