'How much money do you make?': Etiquette experts share what to say when someone asks your salary

I talk and write about money all day. So it's rare that someone comes to me with a money question that makes me uncomfortable or that I find hard to answer.

But a couple of weeks ago, I was at a party with someone who had just gotten into journalism. He asked me about my career trajectory and my current gig. Do I get assignments or pitch my own stuff? How do I balance frequent deadlines with in-depth reporting? Then, suddenly: How much money do I make?

For a beat, I was taken aback. I'd share that figure with a close friend, but this was a stranger. It felt kind of rude. Then again, I remembered feeling underpaid in my early 20s and not having any idea what anyone else made — so I told him.

The situation got me thinking: Are conversations around salary taboo anymore?

Among the younger generations, the answer is increasingly "no," says Thomas Farley, an etiquette expert who writes the Mister Manners Mondays Substack.

For younger people, the idea that asking about salary is inappropriate "is an entirely new concept, especially for Gen Z," he says. "But I think even for younger millennials, they really don't see the point in it. They believe in transparency. They believe that there shouldn't be secrets about this sort of thing."

Indeed, 39% of Gen Z workers say salary is openly discussed at their workplace, compared with 30% of millennials and 22% of Gen Xers, according to a 2025 survey from career building website KickResume.

Etiquette experts say there are tactful ways to approach salary discussions and that you're still well within your rights to feel uncomfortable talking about money — with friends, coworkers or otherwise. Here's what to know.

Part of the etiquette around discussing pay with friends or coworkers comes down to your reason for asking, says Farley. If you're asking to be nosy, or simply because you want to know, your question is unlikely to be well received, he says.

"Are you asking just because you're curious and in kind of a gossipy way, and you want to know what somebody makes?" he says. "I don't think there's ever any appropriate instance to be asking that question."

Maybe you want to know because you're hoping to negotiate your own pay. Some 56% of respondents to KickResume's survey said they've discovered that a coworker earns more than they do for the same job. 

One way to find out is to do your research, Farley says. "There are a multitude of ways to dig deeper on salaries that don't involve asking a coworker how much they're making," he says, including looking into crowdsourced career websites or checking the listed ranges of open roles online.

Still, if you must ask, couch it in delicate terms, and be prepared to be rebuffed. If you're interested in a certain career path, you might ask for a range rather than a specific figure, Farley suggests. And if you want to spot-check a raise or bonus you received with a coworker, you might share roughly what you got and give them the option to let you know if you're in the right ballpark.

"I have a question to ask you. Please feel free to tell me if this is crossing the boundary of our friendship. Totally get it. If it is, no harm, no foul," Farley suggests as an opener. Then ask if the number you received was in the right ballpark and "leave it to them."

On the flip side, you're perfectly within the bounds of good etiquette to hesitate when someone asks you your salary — especially in conversations between coworkers, says Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas.

After all, your coworker could turn around and tell your boss you've been sharing what you make as part of their salary negotiation, she says. "We live in a more relaxed environment, but we still have to be careful when we are asking what someone makes."

If, for whatever reason, you don't want to share your salary with a coworker, it's OK to set a hard boundary, Gottsman says. "You can say, 'I'm not comfortable talking about finances. That's a topic that I stay away from,'" she says.

If you want to be helpful without being too forthcoming, Gottsman suggests quoting a range rather than the number on your W-2.

In the case of the guy who asked me, Gottsman says my response could be, "The range is anywhere from X to Y, depending on your qualifications and experience." She says it's "perfectly fine" to be vague.

Farley agrees. "I think the fact that you took a swing at it and answered honestly and candidly, I give you a lot of credit for it. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that," he says.

Want to lead with confidence and bring out the best in your team? Take CNBC's new online course, How To Be A Standout Leader. Expert instructors share practical strategies to help you build trust, communicate clearly and motivate other people to do their best work. Sign up today!