She did everything ‘right’ but felt ‘desperately unhappy’—the mindset shift that changed her life

Stephanie Harrison spent so much of her life trying to get it "right," chasing the right schools, the right job, the right apartment and the right achievements that would give her life a sense of meaning.

But in 2013, she was struggling. "I was unbearably lonely. I had daily panic attacks, developed a stress-induced autoimmune disease, and felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness almost every day," she writes in "New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That's Got It Wrong."

At her lowest moment, she got curious about why happiness seemed to be eluding her — and realized she was following the wrong playbook. She started making changes in her life: moving cities, studying happiness, and cultivating new relationships, including one with the man she fell in love with, Alex. 

When Alex became ill, Harrison took on the role of full-time caregiver. "It was shocking to compare my 2013 self, who had everything going 'right' and yet felt lost, miserable, and isolated," she writes, "to my 2018 self, who had everything going 'wrong' and yet felt far more peace, joy, and purpose."

Harrison attributes this to throwing out what she calls "Old Happy" and embracing "New Happy," the philosophy she lays out in her book.

CNBC Make It chose "New Happy" as our February book club pick because we know our readers, like Harrison, are searching for happiness as well as success.

Here are some key takeaways ahead of Wednesday's discussion in our private LinkedIn group (you can join the group here, then drop your questions for Harrison in the comments of this post).

So many of us craft our lives around the idea that happiness comes from things like perfection, material gain, fame and acclaim, and achievement at all costs.

According to Harrison, there are three pillars that Old Happy culture relies on to thrive:

• Individualism: the idea that you don't need other people and you have to go it alone
• Capitalism: the idea that you must be successful, and your value is based on your work  
• Domination: the idea that you need to compete and win, and that some people are better than others 

Old Happy is "like the mythical three-headed Hydra monster," Harrison writes, "snapping at you to isolate yourself, work harder and harder, and prove your worth." 

One of the biggest lies that Old Happy tells us, Harrison explains, is that the pursuit of extrinsic goals and external approval — popularity, conformity, financial success, aesthetic beauty — is the key to happiness. 

But at the end of the day, Harrison writes. "What makes us happy is acting in alignment with our true selves."

New Happy is all about the cultivation of intrinsic goals that are aligned with your internal value system, such as taking care of yourself, learning to love yourself, and building community with others. 

Three of the most important questions you can ask yourself are: "Who am I?" "What should I do?" and "How am I related to others?"

Harrison recalls people often asking her if running her company, The New Happy, was too much alongside caregiving, but she actually felt the opposite. 

"It was my lifeline, refueling me, giving me meaning, and connecting me to others," she writes. "The more I gave, the more I personally received in return. I am certain that I would not have survived those difficult years without it. I am so grateful that I didn't wait until life was better. If I had, I would still be waiting, and I would have missed out on so much joy."

When someone is in need, there are two chances for joy and happiness: one for the person who needs help, and one for the person who is helping them. 

"Human beings do not possess a finite amount of love, compassion, and support. If you ask someone for love, you are not draining them of their limited supply. People are not oil wells. Care is not a nonrenewable resource," she explains. "Asking for help gives someone else a chance to be of service and, therefore, to experience happiness."

Harrison says she used to describe her experience as "I am a young caregiver for a sick partner who had a mysterious degenerative disease that no doctor understood or could help with." That perspective was a lonely and isolating one.

But one day, she says, "I started describing my pain in a new way: 'I am a person who has been affected by a devastating illness." That expansion led to greater connection. There were so many people in her sphere who'd supported a friend or loved one through illness. 

"Finally I went even bigger: 'I am a person who has gone through pain," Harrison recalls. "In opening up to ways in which our pain connects us, we are able to tap into another level of compassion for ourselves and others," she writes. "Connection makes our pain bearable."

One of the biggest ways to find happiness, Harrison says, is to figure out what your gifts are and share them widely. If you're struggling to figure out what your talents are, Harrison recommends asking yourself a few key questions.

• "What did my seven-year-old self love?" Whether it was a subject in school, or a book or film, regardless of how impractical it might seem, write it down. 
• "Who leads a life that excites me?" Borrow their schedule and see how it might feel to be the person who you look at and think "Wow, I can't believe they get to wake up every morning and do that.
• "What is something I love and feels like it comes easy to me that other people might dislike or struggle with?"

Then reach out to five to 10 people who know you — family, friends, colleagues, or neighbors. Ask them "What do you think my unique talents are?" or "When have you seen me most alive?" 

Old Happy thrives on the lie that just one hero is coming to save us and change the world. New Happy is built on everyone coming together to share their valuable and transformative gifts. 

"Making our world better is not a soloist task. It is an orchestral one," Harrison writes. "Our orchestra is incomplete without you," she writes. "We need you to play the part that only you can play." 

So how can you do that? Harrison recommends looking to the inspiring stories of others, and seeing how they lead by example, fight for what they believe is right, reject the way that things have always been done, build hope and community, embrace their biggest challenges, and work to achieve their dreams through small, incremental actions.

Then join them.

Ready to dive in? Start reading, request to join our LinkedIn group, and come chat with us and Harrison on Wednesday, March 4, at 12 p.m. ET, at our next CNBC Make It Book Club discussion. 

Any questions for the author? Drop them in the comments of this LinkedIn post (you'll need to join our private group first, which you can do here). Or email them to us in advance at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line "Question for Stephanie Harrison."

Have suggestions for future picks? Send them to us at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line "Make It book club suggestion."