To rebuild confidence after a setback, try this: It's what 'I would teach an elite athlete,' says mental performance coach

Several athletes made epic comebacks at this year's Olympic Winter Games, from gold medalist Alysa Liu's triumphant return to figure skating to alpine skier Mikaela Shiffrin's slalom victory, which came after she was disqualified from the event at the 2022 Winter Olympics.

Most of us can't relate to the pressure of competing on a global stage, but there's a lot we could learn from those athletes' resilience, according to Cindra Kamphoff, Ph.D., founder of the Mentally Strong Institute and a mental performance coach who's worked with Olympians, NFL teams and Fortune 500 CEOs.

Her goal is to help people perform their best every day, whether they're preparing for a playoff game or hustling to meet a tight deadline at work. "The same skills that elite athletes use, we need to use as well," she tells CNBC Make It.  

When you've experienced a setback or made a mistake at work, Kamphoff recommends using a technique she calls "learn, burn, return" – it's "the same thing I would teach an elite athlete going to the Olympics," she says.

The first step is to figure out what went wrong, Kamphoff says. Her primary question for a client who experienced a career setback is: "What would you do differently next time?"

For example, if a client came to her after fumbling a major presentation, "they might say, 'Well, I didn't do enough research on the topic,' or 'I should have asked my boss what he or she was really looking for,' or 'I got really nervous before the presentation, and I totally forgot what I was thinking about,'" she says.

Once you've identified the problem, Kamphoff recommends writing the lesson down — and then, crucially, letting it go. "So many times, people kind of get stuck in the cycle of learn, learn, learn," she says. "What's important is not continuing to beat yourself up and judge yourself."

Instead of viewing the situation as a failure, reframe it as "an opportunity to learn and grow," Kamphoff says. Your next presentation could be even better "because it didn't go perfectly this time."

Kamphoff acknowledges that moving on from a major setback is easier said than done.

Her advice is to "burn" a positive phrase or action into your memory that you can practice when you find yourself spiraling — for example, repeating the phrase "shake it off" and shrugging your shoulders.

"You want to choose the same phrase or action every time, because that strengthens a new neural pathway so you're less likely to overthink," she says.

Every time you replay a mistake in your mind, you're cementing it in your long-term memory, Kamphoff says. By stopping those negative thought spirals with a positive expression or action, you're anchoring something more productive in your memory — which puts you one step closer to putting that error in the past.

Finally, take inventory of how you're feeling, Kamphoff says. "You check your confidence levels, you check how you're talking to yourself, you check your body language."

She recommends focusing on positive outcomes or takeaways from the situation. For instance: "My boss gave me tough feedback on this part, but really liked the first 10 minutes. And I'm going to focus on the part he or she really liked to build my confidence, and not just keep beating myself up."

Above all, according to Kamphoff, "releasing judgment and letting go of that mistake or disappointment is key" to restoring your self-assurance. "The quicker that you can do that, the quicker you protect your confidence."

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