Narcissism expert on how to handle toxic behavior in the workplace and the price for ignoring it

The sarcasm, eye-rolls, and simmering hostility that many of us are experiencing these days isn't just happening out in the world or at family gatherings. It's creeping into the workplace too, and the price for leaving such bad behavior unchecked is higher employee anxiety, more turnover, and a hit to the bottom line.

"Huge organizations have been brought to their knees by the presence of even one or two of these kinds of people in significant enough positions of power," said Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, best-selling author, and expert on narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, and toxic behavior, at the 2025 CNBC Workforce Executive Council Summit in New York City last week. "And the idea of 'meeting these people where they are' or accepting them is simply enabling more of that behavior."

U.S. workers have experienced more than a 20% rise in instances of incivility at work over the past year, according to data from the Society of Human Resource Management. Disagreements over political, social, age, and gender issues are the main drivers of this friction. Add in return-to-office mandates, layoffs, and cost-of-living woes and it's easy to see why more people are behaving badly.

In particular, employees returning to the office again increases the chances for incivility to spill onto co-workers, said Durvasula. In fact, the SHRM research showed that employees of companies with a RTO mandate reported 63% more acts of workplace incivility than those without a mandate. And workers who get little support from their managers in dealing with all this bad behavior are nearly 48% more likely to look for another job. All this incivility costs companies $2.1 billion a day in reduced productivity and absenteeism, according to SHRM.

So how should CHROs and other talent leaders handle reports of an office tyrant? Durvasula said it's important not to get bogged down in the terminology. Words like narcissist, gaslighting, and toxic — once heard mainly in therapists' offices — are now freely thrown about on social media and even in casual conversations, she told the gathering of human resources executives at the CNBC event.

"Almost all narcissistic behavior is toxic, but it's not fair to call all toxic behavior narcissistic," she said.

That's because narcissism is a personality style, just like agreeableness is, she explained.

"Every one of us, and everyone you've ever worked with is capable of toxic behavior," Durvasula said. But once it's over, "you do right afterwards, take accountability, and attempt to repair things. With a narcissistic person, there is no repair. It's just them repeatedly doing bad things and other people mopping up the messes."

The more effective approach for CHROs when hearing reports of employees or bosses acting badly is to focus on the behavior. "Say 'talk to me about what's happening.' Ask people how they're doing," she said. Employees on the receiving end of this kind of abuse often feel unsafe, manipulated, and that things are just unpredictable when they're at work, Durvasula explained, which is why people leaders should "create a safe space to find out what it is that's being called narcissistic or toxic behavior."

It's also important to figure out if this is a single instance or one in a series of events, though Durvasula added that "by the time someone shows up at human resources you can be pretty sure this has happened more than once."

One of the more common scenarios with narcissistic or toxic behavior is that it often comes from those in the organization most responsible for its success — the so-called golden goose. "Sometimes you have to keep the top salesperson, the top neurologist, because like the farmer who killed the golden goose, once the goose is gone there are no more eggs," she said.

If this is what's happening, Durvasula advises talent leaders to figure out ways to keep offenders away from as many people as possible. There are also employees in almost every organization that she calls "narcissistic whispers." These are people who, for whatever reason, aren't bothered by this behavior and can act as a buffer or intermediary between the toxic person and the rest of the workforce.

"It might be you, as the CHRO, or it might be someone else," Durvasula said. "But there are people who can see past this behavior and just not be bothered."

The one approach that never works is to pretend that the behavior isn't happening. "You can't 'positivity' this away, that's a mistake," she said. "You need to acknowledge that there's someone breaking everything in the room. Ultimately acknowledging the reality of the situation will validate the experience of people going through this. You can't have a productive, engaged workforce when people don't feel safe."

In the end, the price for not taking action or not having consequences for employees or leaders who exhibit bullying and toxic behavior is severe, Durvasula said. "You are going to bleed talent and you're not going to be able to stop that hemorrhage because the sanest, smartest people will take a pay cut just to get out of there. And what's left are the narcissists and their minions."

To join the CNBC Workforce Executive Council, apply at cnbccouncils.com/wec.