Talking too much about your work stress makes you look 'less competent and less warm' to co-workers, new study shows

We all know, or perhaps have been, that colleague who vents to their co-workers about how stressed they are. 

Some might think exasperatingly listing every item on their to-do list makes them look like a busy, overachiever, but it could actually have the opposite effect, according to a new study from the University of Georgia published in Personnel Psychology.

People who brag about their stress levels at work are seen as 'less competent and less warm' by their peers, researchers found.

This is because they can seem out-of-touch with their colleagues, says Jennifer Gunsaullus, a sociologist and relationship expert.

"It feels self-absorbed," Gunsaullus says. "They are putting up a wall like, 'You wouldn't understand.' That's not someone who feels likable or warm, somebody we want to be spending more time with."

It also communicates that they don't feel like they have control over their circumstances.

"Everybody gets stressed, but it seems like they are not well-handling their own stress and they don't have agency over their own lives and that's why they are overwhelmed and complaining all the time," she says.

The study focused on two groups. The first was a cohort of 360 participants who were asked to compare statements of imaginary co-workers who just returned from a conference.

In the exercise, the stress-bragging co-workers describe the conference as "just one more thing on my full plate. And I was already stressed to the max … you have no idea the stress that I am under."  

Participants reported their stress-bragging co-workers to be far less likable and competent than ones that said the conference was great and even ones who just said work is stressful. Participants also said they were less likely to help a co-worker who was constantly complaining about work stress. 

Study authors then surveyed 218 employees about their real-life experiences with those who brag about their stress levels at work and got similar results. 

Additionally, those with co-workers who seemingly fetishize their stress felt more burned out themselves.

"Being around someone who is complaining like that is stressful," Gunsaullus says. "It drags you down and adds to your negativity."

To curb your own burnout it's smart to set some boundaries with a forever-complaining colleague.

The best way to do this is to use their own language against them, Gunsaullus says.

"You can say, 'Hey, I know we are both really stressed and overwhelmed so let's just take five minutes to vent then we've got to bet back to work,'" she says.

Be strict about sticking to this time limit and don't feel guilty for cutting them off.

"You saying 'no' to them is saying 'yes' to yourself," Gunsaullus says.

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